Before I even begin, I want to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you for finding your way here. Thank you for supporting and inspiring me every day. And thank you for your courage, because within that I’ve found mine.
If you’ve already been on this journey with me for awhile, and you know who you are, thank you for all of the years of listening to me talk, struggle and obsess about this project that has become this incredible space I offer today. Without your kindness, love, support, and encouragement today would not be happening, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Like most spiritual moments, the conception of this project was seemingly out of the clear blue. I had spent a few hours exploring a beach in central California, and was walking back to my car when the idea for an online community for survivors of sexual trauma and abuse appeared in my mind. It wasn’t like doves and butterflies it was more a yelling of my own voice of “you’re doing this.”
That moment was in the spring of 2013, and now it’s April of 2017.
Four years have passed, four years of thinking, forgetting, asking, obsessing, praying, laying awake at night thinking about this project. As many times as I’ve laid awake with the framework for this website rolling around in my head Many times I’ve laid awake in fear- who am I to be doing this? I am not good enough, smart enough, savvy enough, healed enough, lovable enough, perfect enough, or worthy enough to doing any of this, let alone spearheading this movement. Who do I think I am?
So much fear. Fear of stepping into the light and taking the risk to off this space of celebrating healing and transformation and the paralyzing fear of not doing anything at all, fear of living for the rest of my life with this project rolling around in my head knowing that the idea, inspiration and passion is right here, and I did nothing.
The fear that wells up inside me reminds me of the uncomfortably of change and how it often feels that we are stuck between two rocks. On one hand if I do something different, it’s really scary. On the other hand it’s really scary not to do anything. I am stuck in the pain and discomfort between these two rocks that are literally squeezing the life out of me.
Part of me believes that I am safe here, I know how to survive here, in the dark. Part of me fears that I’ve been in this space for so long, that I don’t know how to find my way out.
And sometimes without us even noticing it at first, tiny whispers of change begins to appear. We may recognize this as the part of ourselves that longs for healing. Perhaps something in our life happens and we become more aware of our own strength and resiliency. Perhaps we notice something achingly beautiful and we are reminded of the beauty that exists both within us and in the world around us.
There’s somewhere deep within each and every one of us, at the very center of our being, is a light within that holds the space and capacity to transcend this fear. The most amazing, incredible aspect of light is that it can never be touched, it is part within us that is whole, wise, and loving and will always be this way, no matter what has happened to our physical or emotional body. Our awareness of our own inner light can be nurtured with love, respect, and connection. It is within this space that we find the gentle strength and fierce bravery to make change happen.
Change and healing is not a linear, straight line, and all of us here are somewhere within this journey. That’s the beauty of it, the Rockstar Movement is here to honor every place along your journey.
We honor you if you’re in still in the terrifying midst of trauma and abuse and need to know that people survive this pain. We honor you if you hold your survival in secret. We honor you when you start out on the journey healing and we honor you if you have have done years of healing and self work. We don’t expect you to have it all figured out, we honor YOU the inner Rockstar light that is within you.
We also respect wherever you are on your journey and are grateful to have you as part of the Rockstar community in whatever capacity fits for you. And this capacity may change as you heal and that’s awesome, and it may not, and that’s ok too! Whether you’re a silent rockstar observer of the site, or a rockstar sharing her story, or anywhere in between we welcome you!
I also want to recognize that just because we make the leap of change does not mean that we will miraculously be healed and our lives will be perfect. What it means is that if we do something different, we create space for our life to be different. And that takes courage. In that courage we can find our own strength, resiliency, wisdom, connection, and joy.
So it’s to my younger self, and all of our younger selves out there, that I dedicate this space to. May it be a space for healing, hope, inspiration, and transformation. Everything that I needed when I was in the midst of some of the scariest of my life. And may this also serve as platform for the many times we need the love and support of community, to know that we are not alone in this journey, that we are in this together, that together we are ROCKSTARS.
So thank you for being a part of this journey, a part of my journey, and for allowing me to be a part of yours.