When I first kicked my ex out, that is when my healing began almost immediately. I felt free, I no longer had the anxiety of him being home and starting with me. I felt peace, I felt that I can finally be myself. I read a ton of books, joined support groups, therapy and anything I could to help me. The biggest healer for me is when I wrote my book, writing out my entire life and then rereading it was so therapeutic for me. I was able to look back and see exactly the abuse I was enduring and all it did was make me a stronger person. It also made me want to help others.
I had the support of great friends and they helped me get through the court hearings and sat by my side every step of the way. It was never easy and each day I didn’t know what was going to be but I was able to get through it no matter how bad it was.
When it was all said and done, I felt alive again. I started traveling and just doing all things I would never have done. I opened up my world to new things and it took me on this joyous journey called life. I didn’t date for 2 years, I was afraid to ever let my guard down and get hurt again. That turned out to be a good thing because it made me realize how high my standards should be and what I deserve in life. I wasn’t looking for a new love or relationship, I just wanted to enjoy life.
It was only just recently that I met someone, while I am still having a very hard time letting my guard down and letting him in, he is understanding and respects my choices. It was never something I planned and it kind of just happened. We bonded from the start and he made me feel comfortable enough to tell him my past with the abuse. He listened and understood and that is when I realized that he is respecting my boundaries and this is how the start of a relationship should be. He is amazing to me and my son and I never thought that another person would make me happy again.
I was happy before him, by rebuilding my life and living my best life and now I am happier being able to share my happiness with him. I am honest and up front with him about being scared to move forward and he so understanding. There is no pressure and I feel respected and that it what everyone should feel in a relationship. While I don’t know where this will go with him. I do know that I am willing to give it a chance and that just shows my growth, growth to allow me to give myself to someone again. I never had that real companionship with anyone and it is an absolutely amazing feeling to be respected, adored and just knowing you make someone happy.