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Ruby Usman 2017-12-27T14:48:27+00:00

Project Description

About Ruby

Hi, I am Ruby. I am a Rockstar and also an Author, Speaker and Educator at Healing Wounds Together.

I guess it was always meant to be that I dedicated myself to working hard – whether it was education, work, relationships, self discovery or healing.

I feel that all of us carry a trauma within us and sometimes, this trauma runs our lives at a subconscious level. It changes us; makes us feel unsafe and not trust the world. The life that we create from this place is a life of scarcity.

I have made it my mission to change this life of scarcity into life of abundance. I want to help Survivors take charge of their healing. I want to help the partners of female survivors so that they can help their partners heal.

And above all, I want to eradicate abuse from this world via Self Care and Empathy. I believe that when we take care of our needs in a healthy way, we stop “lashing out” altogether. I explain more about this in my book “Self Care for Parents”.

My Story

There was not one man – one person who I could direct all my hatred to. I was abused by many… Some were neighbours, some were extended family members and some were strangers on the streets.

Some showed me their penises as if it was a lolly pop. Some touched me and asked me to hold their penises. Their penis felt big and I couldn’t hold it with my small hands. I was then instructed to press it tight so that they could receive pleasure.

I was touched in places that weren’t meant for men who touched me in that way. My body responded… It became wet and moist and this in itself felt sinful, painful and enjoyable all at the same time.

How could something that’s enjoyable needs to be hidden.

It must be bad. I must be bad… I must stop all fun and all pleasure…

I felt that my body wasn’t mine. It was for others’ taking. They could touch me wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted. I had no right to my own body. It wasn’t my home so I left it.

From the very early childhood, I think I stopped living in my body. Shutting down and freezing was my coping mechanism. I shut down my emotions. I shut down my sexuality. I shut down connections. I shut down love.

I buried myself in education. I buried myself in rescuing others. And the “real ruby” kept getting further and further away from me.

My “unworthiness” got me into a troubled marriage and years of illnesses, ending into a hospitalisation.

In one of my most bleak moments, I was crying on the bed. My husband at the time was lying on bed with his back towards me. I pleaded him to hug me and to take me into my arms and I was completely ignored and left to sob.

I felt that I died in that moment. There was just nothing left in me to even breathe…

Life wasn’t fair.

My Healing Journey

My healing journey started with a will to find Self-Love. I knew that unless I loved myself; unless I respected and accepted who I was, no one else would.

I knew that I needed to discover what I wanted so that I could attract people who could provide it for me.

I did hypnotherapy so I could re-integrate the traumatic events and stop my PTSD triggers from happening. I did Pilates to bring my muscles into balance and start relaxing them through strength and stretching work. I went to nutritionists and started eating well to give nourishment to my body. I went to osteopaths and chiropractors, to make sure that my structural alignment is back so that my body can move better. I did sexuality and intimacy workshops so that I can understand my sexual self. I did Kinesiology so that I could change the subtle beliefs my body was carrying. I did body work so that I could release the cellular memories that were stored in my body. I did network chiropractic (NSA) so that I could allow my body energy to accompany my body and stop leaving my body. I went to Chinese doctors so that I could bring my organ function to order. I went to the gym so that I could strengthen my muscles and get rid of chronic pain. I tried flower essences; I tried breathing meditations, I tried gestalt therapy; I tried Tantra. I have tried so many things that I have lost count.

I truly believe that wherever there is a will, there is way.

Through my healing journey, I have not only been able to liberate myself but have also found love, ecstasy, respect and all of those things that I never thought were possible.

And this is what I want to do now. Help others take charge of their journey too. I think that together, we can heal and I will continue to share my experiences through my blog and working with survivors and their partners.

“Beautiful loving hugs to you. I want you to know that it’s all going to be ok.
I want you to know that its not your fault. That you are pure and will always be.”

To My Younger Self

Dear Ruby,

Beautiful loving hugs to you. I want you to know that it’s all going to be ok.

I want you to know that its not your fault. That you are pure and will always be… that you are beautiful. You are loved and I will hold you dear forever in my heart.

I love you.

One Comment

  1. Sarah June 20, 2017 at 1:54 pm - Reply

    Amazing story!!!! You are awesome Ruby. I love how we are on the same mission. ✊Turning our pains into gains for ourselves and others.❤

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