I met him when I was 24 from a previous broken relationship. There was a tiny voice that told me, “leave him alone”. I ignored because he said the right things, did the right things, appeared to be right…until I realized he was wrong and that “voice” was right. I wasn’t used to getting so much attention that I did from him. He wanted my time. It was awkwardly obsessive. The relationship is what I called “Fools rushing in”. He immediately wanted to move in together, share bank accounts, get a choice bank account, anything that appeared to be that we were one. However, I learned that he was a narcissist. I thought he was showing me signs that he wanted us to be together for a long time.
It was Valentine’s Day. I got off a little early that day. I decided to run to the store to get a gift since it was our first one together. I went in the house and he started yelling and asking me, “Where you been?” I didn’t get the chance to tell him. I still had the gift in my hand. I was slammed across the wall. He promised to never do that again. I still gave him the benefit of the doubt although the “love” clouded my judgment.
Nearly 5 years later, I had two sons. The cycle of abuse intensified. Then it was one night I just got tired. His jealousy was too much to deal with. He choked me because he was angry that a male was training me at my new job. He was very possessive and didn’t even want me to speak with others especially other men. My spirit dwindled over time. He didn’t like me going to church. I was still determined to go. That one night when he choked me to the point where I nearly died. My boys were innocent bystanders but witnessed some of the abuse. When my life flashed before my eyes, I thought of them. I almost was ready to give up. There was still some fight left in me.
Quick thinking changed my life. That last weekend, I did my best to try keep the peace. Then, Monday came. He had to be at work before I did. I pretended to oversleep so that could be our way of escape. I left for good. There wasn’t any looking back. Although he tried to overtake my accounts, it didn’t stopped me. He tried coming after me. I retailed with an order of protection. When I defended myself in the courtroom and he heard me speak to him directly in the eye with authority, it perhaps sparked something in him so he would know that I no longer feared him. I finally felt victorious. It empowered me so much that I wrote a book about my experience called Shattering the Glasshouse: A Memoir.