Producer of #DrKatTV, Dr. Kat Smith, DHS, ACS, is a survivor, an Intimalogist™ (Certified Intimacy Expert), Author, TedX Speaker and international presenter. She is certified by the American College of Sexology and formerly co-host of a syndicated morning radio show with ABC Radio Networks, Inc., Dr. Kat founded the School of Intimate Knowledge and is an engaging expert guest who is transparent and honest in sharing her truth and talking about difficult topics. Her presentations are inspiring, transformative and she delivers with wit and humor where appropriate. She has appeared on GMA, Huff Post Live, local GMT, Daybreak, Fox4, and CW33. She produces DrKat.TV segments in between managing home life, clients and travel. Connect with her via social media and check out her website.
I am a serial survivor or molestation and rape. In my TedX talk, I explain how I was molested by my mother’s husband from the age of 9-13. AT night he would slither into our room and touch me and it progressed into penetration. I dealt with the guilt of his touches feeling good but struggled with the knowledge that it was wrong and he hurt me.
After telling my mother what was happening to me, she did nothing to acknowledge my pain and made me feel dirty and unloved. My mother emasculated my brothers and with the knowledge that she did nothing to her husband for his sexual violation of me, two of my brothers and my sister’s husband fondled and sexually assaulted me as well.
Because my experiences were not address I went into my teen years experiencing much of the same in the form of date rape. The confusion about love and sex and relating to the opposite sex were at the base of my trauma. I battled bouts of depression and self loathing even though I modeled and being 6’2” tall I could not hide from people. I felt most men undressed me with their stares. Even during my first marriage, I shed tears after each sexual encounter because of my guilt and the memories of my past. My marriage ended with me taking the steps to heal myself.
My Healing Journey
Since my formative years were interrupted by the experiences of sexual abuse it took years before I realized that the haunting memories and emotional distress was not going away. I knew that and there was something I had to do to resolve my unhappiness. I went to therapy for a short stint until the so called christian male therapist asked me what was I wearing. He tried to blame me for my experiences and I vowed never to use therapy as a crutch towards my healing.
I later learned to reparent myself and learn the difference between love, sex and intimacy in an attempt to develop loving and healthy relationships. Today I use my life experiences as impetus for the work that I do with others victims of sexual assault, child molestation and other sex crimes.
“Your hard work will pay off in the end and you will go on to touch many lives.”
To My Younger Self
I just wanted to take a few moments to tell you how much I love you. Although you weren’t dealt a fair hand in life, your childhood was scared by abuse and you weren’t shown love and support while growing up, you dug yourself out of a pit of mess and self pity to victory.
You have taken the time to get to know me and to make positive change in your life and in the lives of other. You may carry your heart on your sleeve, but on the other hand, you are not push over.
You have overcome the teasing about being so tall and skinny and have grown (ooh, bad choice of words) to be a beautiful woman. Even when you fell down the stairs a week before you 50th birthday, you were a trouper and faced aging with grace. BTW (by the way) Did that dent in your ass cheek ever heal?
You are a great cook and love to feed people. I think that is a New Orleans characteristic that is endearing from your grandmother, Madear. She instilled in you a lot of wonderful qualities. We miss her dearly.
I love the way you cry over sad movies and commercials or whenever you see someone cry because it shows that you have a loving and nurturing heart and honestly care about others. But, when someone crosses the line, you can really be a bitch. But in a good way, lol. That is truly your Aries personality coming through. Fire!
Your selflessness for family and friends and even strangers is motivating. You are so blessed with caring friends that support you and love being around you, which is inspiring.
Your hard work will pay off in the end and you will go on to touch many lives. I love you and thank you for being my support and loving me back. I can look in the mirror and know that the person looking back at me truly knows herself and is empowered and strong. You deserve a lifetime of love, joy and abundance.