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Trauma: Disconnect Between My Brain and My Body
Part of the experience of a traumatic event is a disconnect between the brain and the body. This disconnect or dissociation can become established as a pattern that continues to happen occasionally in response to triggers long after that person has survived the trauma. However, it’s really important to become connected to your body and its sensations! The feelings our bodies get are supposed to help guide
Trauma and Addiction
Trauma is statistically underreported, not talked about enough, and, as anyone working on the addiction field will tell you, it’s everywhere. PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We often associate the disorder with combat vets returning from deployment deeply disturbed by events that have transpired overseas. We often picture irritable old man scanning his living room for safety, suddenly finding themselves diving behind a couch because
Why Asking For Help Is Hard To Do
Despite the fact that we’ve come a long way in our culture regarding the de-stigmatization of therapy, it still seems as if reaching out and asking for professional help is the last option for millions of people. There’s a list of strategies that come before therapy: Talking to friends and family Connecting with clergy Reading self-help books Watching talk shows that offer quick fixes for whatever ails
6 Questions to Ask When a Loved One is Angry at You
It’s one of the worst feelings in the world: You hurt the feelings of someone you care about and you have no idea how to make it better. Maybe your stress level was running high and you took it out on them. Maybe you tried to make a joke, and it hit a little too close to home. Whatever it was, you wish you could take it
How to Trust in a Healing Relationship as a Trauma Survivor
It’s good, healthy and human to want love and seek it out. We live longer, healthier lives when we feel close to someone safe. Some people feel painfully disconnected, and long to open up to others. But then they stop themselves from reaching out. As therapists, we want to empower people to build more meaningful connections. For all of us, healthy relationships matter. In fact, deep relationships
Introduction to Mindfulness
I am often reminded that as a Psychologist, I take a lot of my knowledge as “common knowledge” and forget that many not trained in psychotherapy may not know the meaning of some of the terms I use or things I talk about in general. When I ask people if they have heard of mindfulness, I usually get a mixed response. Some will say they have heard
How to Find a Good Therapist
People seek therapy to get help making an important personal change, by their choice or urged by loved ones. Maybe you are being proactive and preparing for a happy event such as a wedding or a new baby, and you want to get off to a strong start. Maybe you are struggling with a relationship, a diagnosis, alcohol or substance abuse. You may be experiencing thoughts and
7 Key Nutrient Deficiencies Linked to Mental Health Issues
I’d been studying for a doctorate in psychology for four years before I had any idea that nutritional deficiencies could cause mental health symptoms. I wasn’t enlightened by a lecture or a clinical supervisor but from casually flipping through my cousin’s undergraduate U.S. History textbook late one evening during her Christmas break. In a section on the American South, there was a description of Pellegra which I
Essential Oils for Healing
When you walk into a room, home, or office, you often notice the scent right away. Often we will identify if a scent is warm or cool, pleasant or unpleasant, relaxing, uplifting, or soothing. “Aromatherapy” is a term that is, maybe too loosely, used by candle companies and the like. However, I would venture to say that using essential oils are a bit more researched (John Hopkins
Survivors and Supporting Survivors of Sexual Trauma
Would you know if a friend or family member was the survivor of a sexual assault? Not necessarily. Many survivors do not talk openly about their assaults—not even to close family and friends. The reason for this choice is because our society has a history of treating sexual assault survivors poorly. You can find numerous examples of survivors being blamed for being sexually assaulted. The comments below
Why You Keep Dating Jerks
Recently a number of clients have asked me about patterns they’ve noticed in their relationships. They keep dating the same “type” of person… and that type isn’t “thoughtful, kind, loving, and generous, with great communication skills.” What they’ve noticed is that try as they might to change the pattern, they keep dating jerks. There are a lot of reasons people do this, and an extensive, in-depth exploration
12 Ways to Be Your Own Best Valentine
In my therapy practice, I’ve often noticed an increase in stress, anxiety, and depressed mood the week before Valentine’s Day. Men and women who are not in committed relationships report feeling more vulnerable, insecure, and even “inadequate” as they face the reality that no one will be sending them flowers, candy, jewelry, or a loving card. I would never minimize the sadness that might accompany being dateless
The Power of Thought: Using Affirmations
We can change how we feel by changing how we think. Affirmations may help break the habit of negative thinking. Negative thinking is often a major contributing factor in chronic anxiety, depression and the feelings of frustration, outbursts of rage, or being “stuck,” all of which are normal responses to unresolved trauma. From ancient, traditional Yoga teachings, it is said that all thoughts are “magnetic” and attract
Why It Can be So Hard to be Kind to Ourselves
At least once a week I see posts on the internet about the importance of being kind to yourself, loving yourself, or self-care. The message is great and an important one. Taking care of ourselves is incredibly important. The problem is, sometimes being kind to ourselves is a lot easier said than done. When someone says, “just be kind to yourself,” it can feel as if someone
Healing through Music
It was warm and breezy that afternoon in a forest nestled in the hills of New Jersey. The girls were bustling around, tiny boxes in hand, eager for the festivities to begin. It was an epic moment: this celebration of freedom was an appropriate end to a week-long journey chock-full of tears, laughter, outbursts of joy and anger. Camp CADI is a camp crafted and created by
Trauma Informed Care: What it is and How to Find It
These days, mental health organizations and individual practitioners are quick to throw around the term “trauma informed care” when touting the paradigms they use to treat victimized clients. But I’m not sure that all providers and agencies really understand what “trauma informed care” means. Certainly, many of them recognize the need to incorporate questions about the possibility of a prior history of trauma, abuse, or neglect during
Happy New Year!
A big Happy New Year from your Rockstar Community!! Thank you for being here with us and inspiring healing and hope every day! The start of a new year always brings to mind the idea of new beginnings. New beginnings feels like hope to me. Together, let's ask ourselves: In what ways will I start my life fresh and anew this year? We often talk about the
New Year’s Resolutions to Nourish the Soul
What I love about this time of the year and the hum of the upcoming new year is that it not only gives us an opportunity to sit and reflect on the lessons we’ve learned in the past year, but it also creates space for putting intention into what we hope to cultivate in the upcoming year. New Year's day is a special day that seems to
Practicing Self Care Creatively
The holidays can be a trigger for those who have any unresolved trauma or grief. Having to see family can bring up all sorts of feelings, memories or sensations. Also during the holidays, we can get overly busy and overcommit ourselves to too many things. The path to self kindness is through pausing when unsure about what choices you want to make and practicing self care. You
Overcoming An Eating Disorder From Trauma
I started making myself throw up when I was 15. I was raped the year before and kept it a secret, stuffing it deeply inside and keeping it down with self-hatred. That, along with being in a religious community that wasn’t aligned with whom I really was, as well as being completely out of touch with myself, let’s just say I was in dark place. Having a
5 Ways to Stay Calm This Holiday Season
During the stress of the holiday season, our moods and awareness can be far from peaceful. There will be moments…long moments…stretching into days…and maybe even weeks…that will be overwhelming, and stressful. Where instead of noticing the softness of the morning light, we are in our heads and filled with anxiety of the upcoming day, the family stress, the to-do list, not entirely sure how we’re going to
The Protective Power of “I’m Crazy”
In the last few weeks I lost track of how many times different clients uttered the phrase, “I must be crazy” as a way to make sense out of their symptoms or struggles. It’s so poignantly common for trauma survivors to conclude that something is inherently wrong with them. Personal flaws and shortcomings become the explanation for complicated or troubled relationships, unrealized goals that peers have already
Healing through Humor
Why are we so serious? Maybe it’s just the area I live and work in here in the Midwest but people are so serious most of the time. Why does therapy have to be so serious? I remember that being a discussion in grad school that therapy is serious work. In a way it makes sense. My clients come to me with big issues. They trust me
7 Tips to Heal Your Heartbreak
A bad break-up can trigger an immediate brain-mind-body cascade of emotions, body sensations, and thoughts. It’s a significant experience that can keep you stuck for years, decades, or a lifetime. But that doesn’t have to be your experience. You don’t have to suffer the ongoing emotional effects of a breakup, which include panic, sadness, grief, depression, rage, anger, resentments, guilt, and deep hurt. You can heal your
Breathe in Beauty: An Exercise for Healing from Trauma & Abuse
Here in the Pacific Northwest fall is here in all her glory. Trees are changing into ballgown dresses of yellows, oranges and crimson reds. Some are adorned in tiny purple and red berries, it is stunningly beautiful. The air is crisp and clean with smells of pine, earth and cedar. At night it smells of wood burning fires mixed with fresh rain. It reminds me to breathe deeply, as I can’t help but