WISDOM2018-07-19T22:59:45-07:00

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Why Sexual Assault Survivors Blame Themselves

It’s not your fault. Before I dive into a blog article about sexual assault, I had to say that. You may feel like it’s your fault. Not only is that extremely common; it’s also trying to protect you from your pain, which I’ll discuss in this blog article in a moment. But it can’t be said enough that if you were sexually assaulted, it’s not your fault.

How Mindfulness Meditation Changed My Life

When I mention the idea of mindfulness meditation, of consciously sitting with ourselves and observing our own inner world, the usual response I receive is along the lines of: “I like that idea but I can’t do that, I can’t quiet my mind.” Mind racing anxiety plus the common trauma symptom of hypervigilence (aka feeling hyper alert which often leads to jumping at the slightest sound) and

When Your Rapist Goes to Jail

In case you do not know, please learn this: no harm inflicted upon you by another human being is your fault. You do not deserve it and you did nothing to deserve it. It does not reflect who you are; it is only a reflection of that persons lost and darkened soul. You are not nothing; you are everything, more than enough. You deserve love, kindness, respect

The Veracity of Hope

People like to put the word ‘hope’ into an imaginary place. A place of dreams and wishes. A place that isn’t ‘real. But nothing, and I mean nothing, could be further from the truth. If hope is anything—it is the absolute inner truth of a human being’s capacity. It is the absolute inner truth of what is possible when we come back into contact with ourselves, with

It’s Not Easy Being a Grown Up

If you’re raising a teenager or can remember your own adolescence you know that it’s a time of profound growth, change, and vulnerability. It’s understandable that the mental health world is so focused on adolescent development and the potential trauma that teens experience as they attempt to navigate scary challenges-often without a safety net. And yet, it’s important to acknowledge that there are other challenges and obstacles

Stop Shaming Survivors of Abuse

I am so beyond sick of hearing from the survivors that walk into my office that they have been diagnosed with personality disorders or told that they are codependent while trying to navigate through and beyond abusive relationships.  Besides being an incorrect and shaming diagnosis, it can be extremely harmful to a survivor who is trying to feel better and be better and start a new life

Rejuvenation, Self Care, and Sisterhood: The Importance of Women’s Retreats

As women we tend to take care of everyone around us, but do a poor job at taking care of ourselves. We are expected by society to be motherly and nurturing to our children, husbands and friends, but are considered selfish and lazy if we take time for self care. Even if no one around us says these things, we internalize these societal expectations and mentally abuse

Introduction to Emotion: The wild and wonderful weather of our internal world

Emotions.  The wild and wonderful weather of our internal world. Emotions pose that classic “you can’t live with ‘em and can’t live without ‘em” dilemma. Research has proven that we feel before we think—emotions are not only part of being human, they are a necessity for decision making and learning. And for everyone I work with: leaders, parents, clients, kids—the biggest confusion is the difference between feelings

Why Is Gardening So Good For Our Mental Health and PTSD?

It seems that whenever I’ve had discussions with spiritually inclined individuals, it’s inevitable that someone makes a reference to being grounded or centered. Most people don’t question what this means, but somehow we all seem to know. Just saying or suggesting the two words seems to quickly bring about a sense of calm. Some people may think the terms are synonymous, but there are some distinctions. Being

Transform Your Self Talk through Mindfulness & Emotional Self-Care

A beautiful outcome of mindfulness meditation is the opportunity to slow down and explore our relationship with our minds.  We meditate to understand the stories we tell ourselves about our lives and experiences. This is so important for trauma survivors, mainly because we oftentimes make up a story that the world around us is scary, or that we aren't good enough or that there's something wrong with

Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder

I live with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Both are difficult disorders to live with and make life very complicated for both myself and my family. Through psychyotherapy I have learnt strategies for learning how to cope with my complex ptsd. Understanding DID: Alternate personalities, known as alters in dissociative identity disorder (DID), are a fundamental part of the disorder. And while most people

Mindfully Feeling like Sh*t

Sometimes, life hits us with an arrow and we feel like shit. We lose our job, a relationship ends, we get sick, someone close to us passes away, someone insults us at work. Sooner or later, physical and emotional pain is bound to show up in life. If you’re hurting there are a ton of reactions that normally show up, all of which are human: Anger toward

Why External Validation is the Wrong Standard

When I was about three years old, my father taught me how to swim. He brought me into the pool, had me hold onto the edge in the shallow end, and then walked about three feet away. “Ok, Jennie!” he would shout, “Swim to me!” Delighted, remembering everything from the classes my mom had brought me to at the YMCA, I doggie paddled frenetically towards him. But

Imagine being loved anyway

I am so tired of people lecturing about trust. About how it is the basis of relationships and what ‘3 things’ lead to trust. I’m tired of it because it is all too simplistic. I am tired of it because they try to make it sound neat and clean and easy. Something you can accomplish in a workshop or in some online class. They give you catchy

A Mindful Step in Healing from Abuse

I was somewhere in South America, traveling on a bright yellow bus, staring out the window lost in thought. What was I doing all by myself on this bus, on this continent, where I didn’t know anyone for thousands of miles? I  had thought that if I just packed up and ran away from my problems, that it would somehow miraculously cure everything. Hindsight is crystal clear,

Shaping Our Life’s Story

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if the challenging events in your life never happened to you? Would you be the person you are today?  Would you know your own resiliency and strength if it never happened? Even those events that have occurred in our lives that have been so hard to heal from, to overcome, those moments that feel like we are

There’s No Such Thing as “You Made Your Bed, Now Lie in It”

For many people raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the message "you made your bed, now lie in it" is a common life philosophy taught and promoted throughout childhood. It’s a message typically passed down from one generation to the next, particularly when there was prior victimization or helplessness. This mindset gets normalized and subsequent generations stop challenging its legitimacy. Instead, the belief is that there

Life After Abuse: Don’t Judge Me

Life after abuse brings many obstacles and challenges. Unfortunately, one of the most difficult things after abuse is dealing with the reactions of those you confide in. Whether you wish to confide in a few select people or you decide to confide in everyone you know, anticipating someone’s response can be terrifying. It is impossible to know how exactly someone will respond when you tell them that

Loving a Trauma Survivor: Understanding Childhood Trauma’s Impact On Relationships

Survivors of childhood trauma deserve all the peace and security that a loving relationship can provide. But a history of abuse or neglect can make trusting another person feel terrifying. Trying to form an intimate relationship may lead to frightening missteps and confusion. How can we better understand the impact of trauma, and help survivors find the love, friendship and support they and their partner deserve? How

For Trauma Survivors, Quiet Moments Can Be Challenging

The quieter moments of healing can be oddly disconcerting. Healing in general isn’t quiet: maybe loud is the wrong word, but intense would be accurate. The feelings that go with healing from trauma loom large. The grief, sadness, sorrow, rage, anger, terror. These feelings take over your mind and your life. I have often compared them to a wild cat: a tiger pacing back and forth in

The Protective Power of “I’m Crazy”

In the last few weeks I lost track of how many times different clients uttered the phrase, “I must be crazy” as a way to make sense out of their symptoms or struggles. It’s so poignantly common for trauma survivors to conclude that something is inherently wrong with them. Personal flaws and shortcomings become the explanation for complicated or troubled relationships, unrealized goals that peers have already

Can I Kiss You? A Survivor’s Experience at a Date Safe Project Event

Tonight I had the honor of attending Date Safe Project’s “Can I Kiss You?” event presented by their founder, Mike Domitrz. To say that it was incredible would be an understatement. I was blown away. I was honestly surprised at the turnout, everyone was so excited to be there; the entire room was filled to the brim with parents, providers, middle school and high school kids, and university

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