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Lindsay Marie2018-08-14T07:00:02+00:00

Project Description

About Lindsay

Lindsay is a mother of two (soon to be three) girls and one son in heaven – who shines his light on us everyday. She is a wife to her Irish husband (yes, brogue and all!) Jason, who still makes her blush everyday. the author of, “Just Be: How My Stillborn Son Taught Me to Surrender” and “Just Be Guide: Steps to Healing Trauma.,” Motivational Speaker, Birth Psychology and Maternity Health Specialist. She has a deep love for teaching and speaking, so she has created a variety of online services in many areas with one intention – to lead them to love, strength and empowerment. She has been featured in many places including, Elephant Journal  and Self Magazine  and Blog Talk Radio breaking the silence and spreading hope through her story.

In all the areas that she works with, her mission is helping to bring light back into women that promotes inner healing. Whether it is through coaching/teaching, speaking or blogging on all things for trauma healing or natural living– spreading hope, love and joy is her ultimate goal.

You can connect with her via her Website, Instagram, and Facebook!

My Story

Dinner is done, my girls are bathed and snuggling upstairs, watching a movie and I am downstairs sipping on my tea with my feet up. As I hold my mug, the delicious smells pour into my nose and I pause. The quietness from my girls is replaced with crickets. It is August and those crickets certainly define late summer, hiding all around as they sing together. For me, they used to represent something much more, however I have learned to now listen in harmony with them. Eighteen years has gone by and I still go still when I hear them chirp.

Eighteen years ago, on a hot and muggy August evening, I was only sixteen years old. It was just my mom and I together, my brothers were in college. Despite a very troubled upbringing with a father who emotionally neglected me, I was just a young girl getting ready to complete my final years of high school and spread my wings out into the world. Like most teenagers, I had a side to me that wanted to be rebellious and in many ways, I was – going to the occasional party that my mom didn’t know about or sneaking off to meet friends. Yet, my grades were good, I was active in sports and my mom and I were honest with each other on most things. I was just your average teenager moving through life at a normal pace – until that one fateful night – when I found myself locked in a strange man’s apartment, fighting for my life and losing my teenage innocence. 

“I felt myself floating; the moment my rapist took my body, as I was strangely separated from myself. He had his way with me, the pain of my virginity ripping away and bleeding out the aftermath.” – Lindsay Gibson, Just Be: How My Stillborn Son Taught Me to Surrender

The rape was brutal, but the hours after as I tried to escape and fight for my life stayed with me for years. 

My Healing Journey

For so long, the entire night completely slipped from my conscious memory. I had used every ounce of willpower to get out of that apartment and save my life and the intensity of my body’s “fight or flight” stayed turned on. I spent thirteen years locked within Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and in order to move through my days, I kept that night locked away in my mind – hoping it would never emerge. Despite all effort to forget and move on, it finally spilled out of me when my husband and I lost our son Joseph, who was born still – thirteen years later.

The healing that my mind and body had been desperately trying to do for those thirteen years had begun and no matter what I did, I couldn’t deny it any longer. In a recent interview for Self Magazine – we discussed how integration of the mind and body was vital for healing. It is something I never understood for a long time. 

Talk therapy was the only thing I knew to do to cope with all of the PTSD symptoms. I never was able to tell my therapists what had happened that night, but I was also never asked. I was taught instead, to become aware of the symptoms that I was experiencing and how to get through them. That only took me so far.

Losing my son, opened the door for me to healing like I never thought possible. Another tragedy, the loss of my precious baby turned into triumph. The love I have for my son opened my heart to what healing should be and what I needed to do.  Compounded grief finally gave way to love…a love that showed me that it was safe to feel.  I needed to feel my feelings fully. I realized, that merely coping does not open emotions and the need to feel. 

My mind began to “talk” to my heart and body and the memory of that night at sixteen came pouring out. Every single detail. For the first time in years, I wasn’t afraid. I knew the night was over and I knew right then, that my body needed to know this too.  This is what happens when you align your body, mind and spirit.  It freed me.

I began to explore body healing through writing and trauma yoga. I poured my heart onto paper through my pen and my memoir was born. Writing my entire story showed me parts of myself I didn’t know before from the lost years of PTSD.

“The writer’s pen became the tool of God’s grace for me.” – Lindsay Gibson, Just Be Guide: Steps to Healing Trauma 

Yoga became a powerful tool and made a major difference for me as a trauma survivor. Yoga has the ability to touch us on every level of our being—physical mental, emotional, and spiritual – integrating our experiences fully, bringing us to a level of wholeness. I used to be terrified of the sensations that the rape had brought on and while my mind fought over and over to “make sense” of it all with coping techniques – my body needed to release it too.

I became certified in yoga through my healing, include Trauma Sensitive Yoga which is a special yoga technique just for trauma survivors to reconnect. As I moved through each asana movement, I was able to notice my body and where I felt the trauma the most. My body was able to tell a story through my yoga practice and express the pain that it was still holding onto from that night. Science has come to prove through neuropsychology that the “imprints” from trauma gets left behind within the cells of our body and therefore, we have to move them out. Yoga and other body therapy help us to move those “issues in our tissues” through body awareness and connection with movement. Otherwise, they get stuck – which can manifest into physical symptoms like: heart disease, diabetes, panic attacks, ADHD in children, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, and a host of autoimmune disorders.

Most importantly, moving the trauma through not just my mind, but through my body helped me to take my power back. I needed to regain a sense of control over my body and I was able to restore what was once lost.  Only then was I able to entertain the possibility of forgiveness. Once I let go of the tight grip that my attacker still had on me all those years, I was able to soften. Forgiving him, forgiving fate and forgiving myself was what truly set me free. Within my healing heart, I surrendered to what was and leaned into what is, learning to just be.

“Right now, you need to know that despite the turmoil you are feeling inside – you are the bravest girl I will ever know. You may not feel that courage within you yet, but I promise you, one day you will.

To My Younger Self

“Somewhere in the distance, in a place where our souls unite after we leave this earth, my young, sixteen-year-old self was swaying along with their laughter. Dancing with my Oma, just like she taught us – only this time, not in secret. Instead, they danced like everyone is watching, soaking in love, where we are all free to just be.” – Lindsay Gibson, Just Be

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Lindsay,

It’s me, I am you and here we are eighteen years later. I look at you and I am able to look through your eyes and into your soul and all I see is a light inside of you that is stronger than you even know. I see beauty. I see courage. I see wonder and awe – but I also see such heartbreak, despair and hopelessness on the surface of your tearful eyes.

Telling you not to feel any of those things is not why I am here. I am not here to tell you to put your chin up because you will find healing and be happy. I am not here to tell you that it will all be okay – because right now for you? It’s not. And guess what? That is OKAY. 

Right now, you need to know that despite the turmoil you are feeling inside – you are the bravest girl I will ever know. You may not feel that courage within you yet, but I promise you, one day you will. 

Sweet girl, all I am here to say is: Feel it all, yes even the worst of it. Feel it in your mind, your heart and your body. Your feelings are safe, and they never need to be justified. You see, that is what we didn’t do for so long. Everything got turned off and I know that feels safe. I know that helps you to filter what has happened and in your own way – stay in control. Just know that it is safe to release, and I am here to tell you that you will. It will be the most beautiful and messy experience of your life when you do.

I am on the other side of that wall – with my hand on it, hoping you put your hand up against mine and just listen to what I am saying. It is the most amazing world out here. The anxiety has lifted, the anxiety that plagues you day in and day out. Anxiety is not our enemy. It is our body speaking to us through those scary moments of panic, telling us a story of what it went through. Let it move and let it dance.

The world is such a different place now – I see it with a new pair of lens. I see the world through the lens of forgiveness and through love. Forgiveness is something we didn’t see coming – but it is what has set us free. However, getting here takes time, takes grace and something that we have had to do over and over.

Without the light that is still inside of you, the light that is lost right now in your darkness – I wouldn’t be here today. So, I am not here to tell you what you need to do – I am here to simply say – thank you. Thank you for your wisdom – a wisdom that we continue to share together, so that I could evolve. Thank you for your bravery because without it – I would not have been able to move forward and to say yes to life – once again.

Love,

Your Future Self

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One Comment

  1. Naomi October 9, 2018 at 2:36 pm - Reply

    Your story is truly inspirational and you wrote it so beautifully! I understand that you must have felt so much pain but your ability to come out the other side with such a beautiful story of hope is breathtaking. Thank you for sharing and thank you for your story.

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