If you would have told me ten years ago that I was on the path to healing, I would have said a few choice words (only in my head of course) and pretended to listen to the remainder of your conversation. “You’re telling me I’m on a path of healing when I’m hurting more then I did when I was in the abusive relationships?” There was just no way! Healing was suppose to feel good! Right? Wrong.
In the blink of an eye, my entire life that I grew accustomed to living, had changed. I was alone and now forced to face all the pain, heartache and abandonment I felt. Not only as an adult but as a child as well. Even through it didn’t look or feel like healing, the healing process was taking place. After accepting the new road I was traveling, it was in that moment where I realized the deeper and more severe my wounds were, the more healing time I had to allow myself. It was not an easy journey and it showed. My emotions were scattered as I began to get aquantied with, not only, the person I lost so many years ago to abusive relationships but also with the one who spared my life.
For once in my life, I wasn’t in any relationship, but the one I had rekindled with God. I immersed myself in prayer and scriptures daily. Through His loving kindness He taught me things I never knew. How to trust again, how to love and most importantly, how I should be loved. He didn’t just work on my heart, He created a new one just for me. He instilled new affirming words into a place where only self hate lived, words such as, deserving, beautiful, worthy and wonderfully made. The more time I spent with God getting to know who He created me to be, the easier the healing process became.
Although, it became easier with time, it still hurt. Growth usually does. Looking back I see how beautiful, and how needed, the journey truly was. It was a journey of learning who I was, who I wasn’t, what I deserved and what I didn’t.