Loading...
Becca2018-07-19T15:08:24+00:00

Project Description

About Becca

Hi, I’m Becca and I’m a yoga instructor, holistic health coach and creator of Thorne Wellness. Here’s why I’m a rockstar!

My Story

I was raped when I was 14. It was a complete out of body experience, and a confusing night for a sheltered, religiously raised girl who had never really entertained the thought of having sex before. I was low-key dating the guy who raped me; he was the son of a preacher, so I never thought to question my safety with him, and neither did my parents. Late one night I snuck out of my house, took my dad’s car (without his permission or a driver’s license), and went to hang for a bit and get my smooching on. We made our way to his bed when suddenly he became forceful.

There was no communication, just his force. I wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but I felt that it wasn’t right. There wasn’t a moment to choose fight or flight though; I was frozen.  When he got off, I left in a dazed hurry and drove home crying, bleeding, and in pain all over. I got caught and grounded for sneaking out and illegally driving. I didn’t tell my parents or anyone what had happened; I didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I didn’t want to believe it myself. I blocked everything from that night out of mind completely.

The thing is, it never quit left my body. When I started dating a great guy two years later, flashbacks and anxiety set in the more intimate we got. To deal with this, I started making myself throw up. I had this trauma trapped inside of me and vomiting was my way to release something and to feel in control. I knew the dangers of bulimia and soon sought help through my boyfriend, who got me numbers of therapists and encouraged me to tell me mom, which I did. I worked through the bulimia with my therapist but never discussed or even admitted to myself that I was raped.

I went off to college across the country only to sink deeper into my depression, never admitting where it came from, but always slightly running from something.  I transferred to another university a year and a half in, thinking changing my environment would change my depression. I had good friends, family, grades, and even my own puppy, but the depression never left. I stayed in the religious group even though it didn’t align with whom I really was and was punishing my body by cutting it, starving it and stuffing it. My other coping mechanisms were viewed as sinful in the eyes of my religious community.

I felt alone, helpless, ashamed, angry, depressed, and worst of all, hopeless. I lost connection to myself, to others, and to the natural and mystical world. I didn’t want to live and I dreamt day and night of dying. I very hesitantly checked myself into a mental hospital after my roommates found me having an anxiety attack outsider our front door in the middle of the night. This was my rock bottom.

My Healing Journey

I had finally talked about being raped while in the hospital, but I didn’t take it with me outside those doors. I thought its power over me was over.

After my hospital stay I made steps to start climbing out of my depression, the first being the steadfast decision that I will always choose life over death. I moved home to LA with my pup, got off my anti-depressants, ate healthy, whole foods, worked out every day with tons of yoga, and pursued my love of baking as a career.

My biggest game changer came a year and half after being released from the hospital when I started a 200-hr yoga teacher training. By then, I had told a couple close friends about being raped but hadn’t sought therapy and was still blind to many negative rippling effects of my trauma. The deeper I got into my yoga practice and the more I was able to quiet my mind-chatter with my breath, the more what I had pushed deep inside into the darkness away from myself came erupting out. I knew I had a choice to stay in the chains of fear or to break free. I was ready to be free.

I told my yoga teacher who encouraged me to tell my parents, which I did immediately. All the doubt, rejection, and questions I thought I would get didn’t come and instead I received love, support, and some more love. I made an appointment with Lindy (the awesome founder of our very own I Am A Rockstar) for a rapid trauma therapy session. My body immediately responded to the session, and from opening up my deepest, darkest secret (which is no longer that!) to the people closet to me. My chest (the holder of my heart), shoulders, hips (the seat of emotions) and hamstrings all loosened and opened dramatically, like they were releasing seven tons of weight from this seven-year secret. I felt alive and free and the colors of this earth were brighter than ever before.

Since then, every day the ground beneath my feet got stronger and more secure. Sometimes I was going two steps forwards, three steps back, frustrated and down as hell, and sometimes I was running straight ahead smiling. I still have ups and downs – don’t we all – but now I have a strong and steady center and grounding as well as the proper tools to deal with my downs and life in general. And, I always remember the advice the mother of my high school boyfriend gave me back in the day, “Trust the journey.”

It’s been over five years now since I was released from the hospital and I’ve created a life and body I absolutely LOVE and I am excited to have and live my life. 

There were many tools that empowered me to do this, including healthy eating and self-care, but the greatest tool is my yoga practice. Yoga allowed me to tune into my true self and to speak and act from that place, to meet myself where I am in the moment and curiously and tenderly work with myself. I learned through my practice how to truly love my body and have compassion on myself; my “inner critic” went from a judgmental, hateful, negative b*tch to a loving, supportive, positive friend. Yoga has taught me to sit with uncomfortable feelings – anger, anxiety, sadness, and loneliness – and not react to them or curl into depression. Yoga taught me I am whole and complete, just like you.

Today my healing practice includes yoga, meditation, gratitude, writing, tea, plenty of water, gardening, healthy foods that taste great, time with true friends, cherishing my family, spending time outdoors specifically in the sun and by the sea, moving my body, chocolate, and slowing down to remember life only happens in the present.

“You are so strong in every way. Take life one step at a time. You are the writer of your story and you are the hero.”

To My Younger Self

To my fourteen-year-old self, when I was driving home the night I was raped, I would say sweet, beautiful girl, you are safe, right, and strong. There is no reason this happened except that he did a bad thing. You did not deserve it. It was not punishment and do not punish yourself for it. Something bad happened and you survived. Let’s start to heal. Don’t let fear stop you ever, especially when it comes to using your voice and expressing your beautiful mind, because, sweet girl, people will believe you when you tell them. I know you don’t want to believe it yourself, but no one will doubt or question you. Your voice can free you. You are not defined by what the world throws at you or by how people treat you but by how you respond to it and use it. You are also not defined by how you are raised; you can question, doubt, and choose to believe in whatever is your truth. Stay purposeful and truthful. Hard times will come; allow yourself to feel your emotions – “welcome the all in” – all of the pain, anger and sadness will make the things that make life worth living, the love and joy, that much deeper. Start loving yourself. You are so strong in every way. Take life one step at a time. You are the writer of your story and you are the hero.

Never Miss a Rockstar! Subscribe to our Newsletter!

5 Comments

  1. Lindy June 3, 2017 at 9:56 am - Reply

    What I love about both you and your story is your heartfelt determination to heal and openness about your journey. You have been such an inspiration in my own life, as you were one of the first Rockstars to share your story with our community. When I saw you the day after (or maybe the hour after?!) you had written your Rockstar story and you were glowing with excitement, I knew at that moment that the process of writing our stories holds a profound opportunity for healing. Thank you for being such an inspiration and beautiful light in the world!!!

  2. Melissa Mahon June 3, 2017 at 11:04 am - Reply

    Thank you for sharing your story! Your journey is beautiful!

  3. Nicole June 3, 2017 at 1:06 pm - Reply

    Yoga has meant a lot to me too! Thank you for sharing your story.

  4. Elissa June 4, 2017 at 12:31 pm - Reply

    There is something truly magical that happens through movement in the body and healing the mind. Your story is powerful, Becca. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  5. D June 5, 2017 at 8:46 am - Reply

    It’s incredible how much early trauma weaves its way through our lives on such a subconscious level. I congratulate you on being brave enough to take the time acknowledge that and share your journey with us. Namaste.

Leave A Comment